Imperfect Rituals

 Bruce is an independent researcher with a degree in Political Science and an MBA. He researches Mormon History in Tennessee where he lives, sharing his findings online in blogs, Twitter, and at history conferences like MHA. He travels frequently for his day job as a business consultant. He prefers to identify as Mormon even as the church has moved away from the label.

The other night my wife reminded me that our daughter is graduating from college next month. It was part of a larger conversation and it had me pondering how being partway out of the Church we are often left out of the rituals that we used to have to mark these events.

I remember with great fondness how I held my daughter and blessed her as a baby. A friend wrote the words as I spoke them so I can go back and read them from time to time. Every time I do I’m reminded not just of the tenderness of the moment but also of the imperfection of my delivery. I opened that blessing with her name instead of addressing Heavenly Father. It’s a small, but I would guess common, error. However, it personalized the ritual for me, at least that specific time. Plus it taught me that religious practice is not perfect, and that’s OK.

The carrot’s imperfect. Get it?

Years later I officiated at another ritual, her baptism and confirmation. We had close non-member friends who attended the baptism. They remarked at the beauty not only of the ceremonies but also at the fact that I was allowed to perform them. They even asked if I would be allowed to perform her future wedding. 

The theme of imperfection followed me here too. Afterwards the Bishop, who watched the whole thing, suggested that I had raised my left hand instead of my right when I said the baptismal prayer. He was right, of course. Honestly, I knew if felt odd, it wasn’t my first baptism, but at the time I couldn’t figure out why. None of the witnesses caught it. And it was only after the confirmation that the Bishop figured out what was wrong. He was a new Bishop. This was his first baptism as Bishop. As we talked about it the previous Bishop walked up, listened to what we were discussing and offered this piece of advice. As an Aaronic priesthood ordinance it was completely up to the Bishop to decide if the baptism was performed correctly. Even if it was technically incorrect, he said, the Bishop had the authority to declare it acceptable. After some reflection my Bishop agreed the baptism was fine and we didn’t have to redo it. But the imperfection of the ritual has come to make the memory all the more meaningful to me. I offered what I had and although it was not perfect, it was enough. 

So the other night my wife was reading about a friend of hers who is also on the margins of Mormonism that gave her daughter a bat mitzvah blessing. It was mixed with the recognition of her Latter-day Saint ancestors and the sacrifices they made and the sacrifices others have made just for being Jewish. And it made me miss the treasured rituals of the Church. As Latter-day Saints we create rituals freely, even if it is just a father’s blessing to a daughter graduating from college. It made me wish I could give my daughter the beautiful parts of our faith, the parts that bind us together through ritual. I want her to keep the heritage of our ancestors and the sacrifices they made, and to know that despite the imperfections of our faith tradition, that the rituals can still have meaning.